I’m on a twenty-one day blogging streak, and I can’t believe I went this far.

There have been days where I don’t want to write, or I struggle to write about something while adding substance. In the future, I may change my goal to quantity over quality, but I wanted to at least build up the writing habit first.

I keep a list of subjects to write about whenever they come to me. What I’m learning is that sometimes I’ll be fired up to write about a subject, so I’ll put it on the list. Some time will pass and suddenly, when it’s time to write, I look back at the idea and hesitate. Then I end up not writing on that subject. My list of false-start subjects has gotten long.

Perhaps this is part of the pressure I’m putting on myself to keep the writing habit, but to also write with substance, emotion and authenticity. Looking back on the past three weeks, there certainly some weak blog posts. I can admit for some of these I was half-asleep, and I vowed to revise it. There are other posts that I feel good about, even if they are less than stellar prose or rhythm.

With the busiest time of the year looming, my goal is just to maintain the writing habit. I find that I’m learning a lot (like how to properly write out “twenty-one”), and I’m looking forward to writing more on the subjects that interest me (and maybe you too, dear reader.) Despite struggling sometimes, I’m actually looking forward to writing every day.

(I say “dear reader” as if I have actual readers. I know I’m writing into the void, and I’m quite satisfied with that.)

Late July is upon us, and I can feel the Earth shift, the jet stream change direction, and the sun hang still. It truly is a chaotic time of year.

I’m balancing several major creative projects at work, where as in previous years, it was one major project along side many small ones. I don’t feel stretched creatively, but it’s a very fine balancing act that is delicate and stress-inducing. Pressure is mounting, but one x-factor that has always been my secret weapon: I thrive under pressure.

At home, my girlfriend will be prepping for a trial, while also gearing up for baking competition. My 2-year old is testing the limits of running “fast” against the durability of my couches and walls. My daughter is still working three jobs while preparing for college.

What I’m trying to focus on now is how I can make sure I’m a supportive father to the kids, and a supportive partner to my girlfriend. I often tell people who seem to be going through a lot to make sure they take care of themselves, and I’m trying real hard to remember that for myself.

My current blogging challenge has me on my toes. I’m on a good streak and I don’t want to break this momentum. I still need creative fuel for what I have going on at work. This is a time of year that I traditionally put creative writing and art aside as I focus on graphic design. I’ve operated like this for a long time, and its worked in the past. I don’t think my blogging momentum will subside, but we’ll put that to the test. I may need to compromise in August.

To take care of myself, I’ll do my best to make sure I have a steady diet of science fiction in some form or another. Fitness is also (somewhere) in the plan. I’m seeing Spider-Man with my daughter, as well as helping her get ready for college. I’ll be taking care of things at home while my girlfriend needs time to prep for her trial. I can’t remember a time in recent memory when things have been this busy.

Just gotta keep reminding myself… pressure makes diamonds.

I’ve been on an essay kick lately, and specifically the essays of science fiction writers. I love to read their fiction, but I’d like to read other aspects of their stream of conscious. So far, I’ve read a lot of Harlan Ellison’s essays, Spider Robinson, Rudy Rucker, and I have Ursula Le Guin’s book and I also just bought a Robert Sheckly collection.

One thing about many of these essays, is the author’s mentioning of other established writers they know. Some are acquaintances, some are friends that go back decades.

Flash-forward to today, where there are online writer communities that are thriving. I can’t seem to fit into any of the ones who allow open communication.

I’m almost fifty years old. I haven’t made a new friend in a long time. I’m not even good at keeping my current friends. This sounds like I’m self-depreciating. It’s not, I’m just stating facts. As much as I’d love to find a community in science fiction writing, I’d need to find one that fits my schedule. My life gets rather hectic, so there are times I may be absent, which is counter to what a community actually is.

So I bounce from forum to forum, or Discord, curious about what others think of the most recent book and movie releases, or friendly debates on contemporary or classic science fiction. Reading essays or blog posts on similar subjects also helps to relate to other SF writers (or aspiring SF writers).

Outpost Parallax is a weekly Saturday night musing of all things science fiction.

Cyberpunk: Edgerunners season 2 is coming soon from Netflix, so I figured I’d re-watch season 1 as I partake in all things cyberpunk this summer. It was also a far contrast to go from Cyberpunk 2077’s loud guns and blood aesthetic to William Gibson’s cold, calculating tech noir in Neuromancer.

Warning: Contains Spoilers

This hard-hitting story really takes a look at how grief is processed. While David’s outcome was certainly tragic, Lucy is the one who has to live with losing every member of her team. She also had to contend with the betrayal of Kiwi, the woman who brought her onto the team. Then there’s the downward spiral that was her boyfriend David, who succumbed to the effects of cyberpsychosis.

The world of 2077 is dark, brutal and not for the faint of heart. It’s one vision of the future I wouldn’t pay no mind to, but this story injects slivers of hope. There is real emotion in Becca in the loss of her brother, and her looking after David as a big sister. Kiwi’s regret of her betrayal to the team and to Lucy in particular. Through all the bullets and spattered bodies, there’s high emotion in these characters.

This is what kept me invested in the story. The show was good at keeping me interested in David’s found family in the gang of mercs. There was genuine attachment between the group, but the group’s leader Maine was too stubborn to downgrade once it was clear that cyberpsychosis was taking over. This mirrored David’s stubbornness to slow down on cybernetic implants.

This brings us back to Lucy, who had to endure both the leader’s insistence on keeping his implants, and David ignoring all the warnings about the bad side effects of his implants. She was the lone survivor of the chaos of the climax of the story. At the end, we see her view of Earth from the edge, on the surface of the moon where she imagines David as he was before all the implants. It was a bittersweet moment, and a memory of hope. She fulfilled her dream of visiting the moon, but the price was everything.

Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey opens in theaters today.

A couple of days ago, a self-described AI movie studio Fountain 0 announced their AI generated movie Odysseus: The Fall. It was generated by content creator Ash Koosha, who’s solely responsible for the movie.

First of all, I’m not going to comment on the AI movie because I haven’t seen it. I wanted to comment on part of Koosha’s director’s statement:

“It’s a threat to nothing except distance, the distance between a person with a story and the means to tell it. More films will be made this way; that seems certain to me, the way it was certain once that anyone would be able to shoot on the camera in their pocket. What has to survive the change is the only thing that ever mattered: the story, and the reason for telling it. A tool has never made a film worth watching. A person with something urgent to say has made every one of them, and that won’t change, whatever they’re holding when they say it.”

This statement is nothing more than defending generative AI while ignoring what it actually does; using millions of trained images and videos to formulate your generative AI output. All Koosh did was type out instructions on a keyboard… he has not created anything.

Koosh argues the only thing that ever mattered was the story. So, does that mean he sat down and wrote out his script? Or did genAI do that for him as well? Are there storyboards? Drafts? Rewrites? Since he’s the writer, director and producer of this movie, there has to be notes or checklists somewhere?

In Koosh’s statement, he says that a tool has never made a film worth watching. That spits on the face of a century’s old industry filled with men and women who dedicated their lives to create meaningful films. Fountain 0’s AI movie studio omits the tools necessary to produce impactful cinema.

So, there it is… Koosh and Fountain 0 have licenses to sell. Throw away your tools so you can sign up for their generative AI movie creator.

Now that I’ve picked Koosh’s statement apart, I can conclude by saying that as a lover of cinema, and as a level-headed person, I will pass on watching Odysseus: The Fall because that is my option. The golden rule will remain: keep generative AI out of creative spaces.

From the surface of Vesta, the second largest asteroid in the Belt, sits Outpost Parallax.

Outpost Parallax is a weekly Saturday night musing of all things science fiction. Inspired by my favorite podcast Scifi Saturday Night, I aim to discuss anything related to science fiction. I will most likely discuss genre fiction on other days, but Outpost Parallax will be where I dedicate specifically to opinions and observations on science fiction books, movies, comics and games.

Why I’m doing this

I’m doing this because I’m tired of all the negativity surrounding science fiction fandom these days. I have no interest in reading or watching hot-takes on the latest film or TV series that the racist and sexist trolls constantly attack. I’m sick of the rage baiting over female leads in video games. I’m tired of potentially great works of TV or film being review-bombed or buzz-killed because the loudest trolls on the internet can’t deal with lead characters that are gay, or trans, or different skin tone.

I’ve always wanted to have a platform to do this sort of musing. I’ve done a lot of write-ups on science fiction already, but this will be different, as it will be consistent, positive and deeply personal.

Being positive and excited about science fiction doesn’t mean I won’t be critical whenever it’s necessary. Constructive criticism doesn’t mean tearing down the people involved.

I miss the Scifi Saturday Night podcast, so this is my little weekly tribute. I don’t know what will come of this effort, and it’s very possible that I’m just publishing into the void, but that’s the nature of life on the surface of Vesta.

Sometimes I encounter things that make a significant impact at just the right time in my life.

I found the Scifi Saturday Night podcast when I was looking for Harlan Ellison interviews sometime in 2010. I found their interview with Harlan and immediately liked the chemistry between the crew. They loved science fiction and were fans of Harlan Ellison in particular. As soon as the episode finished, I listened to more, and I was immediately hooked.

Scifi Saturday Night was a weekly podcast that ran from the mid-2000s through 2022 and was based in New Hampshire. There isn’t a definitive history of the podcast, but as far as I can tell, it was a radio show before it was a podcast. SFSN’s host was The Dome, along with his daughter and various friends who joined on a regular basis to discuss current science fiction TV, movies, books and comics. Together, they made every episode fun to listen to. Sadly, The Dome passed in the summer of 2022.

The Dome was the heart and soul of the podcast. I could listen to him talk about old science fiction writers and books for hours. He fit right in with raconteurs such as Harlan Ellison and Spider Robinson. As an interviewer, he always managed to ask the right questions and follow-ups at just the right time. He could go toe-to-toe with a seasoned science fiction writer, or he could make a nervous first-time interviewee feel relaxed and welcomed. From all the discussions and interactions on the podcast, it’s safe to say The Dome was also loved in the local SF convention scene.

When I discovered SFSN, I was in a strange point in my life. I had missed out on a lot of cool things happening in scifi, and listening to SFSN helped bring me back. The show reminded me to focus on the things I loved, to be excited for projects both mainstream and independent, to express that excitement and show support. This podcast had a quality to it that I feel other podcasts lack, and that quality is the genuine positivity. Even though the hosts sometimes debated on movies and TV they didn’t like, they were capable of critiquing without tearing down the creators.

Through SFSN, I discovered legendary science fiction writers like Fritz Lieber, Robert Sheckley and Spider Robinson. I also discovered many independent works by writers and artists who were taking a chance at their dream. The podcast archive is a goldmine of science fiction and fantasy discovery. especially since they were able to interview several of those legendary writers, including Spider Robinson, who The Dome was a huge fan of.

As the show continued through the late 2010s, my life drastically changed and I stopped listening. Last year I came across the show and was glad to see that it had continued on, until I discovered the reason it stopped in 2022. I was saddened to learn about The Dome’s passing. The most recent episode listed on Apple Podcasts is from 2023, “Remembering The Dome” …where nearly everyone from the old crew gathered, as well as some names I didn’t recognize, all shared their favorite memories of The Dome. I couldn’t bring myself to listen until just yesterday. Listening to that episode brought back a lot of memories of both the show I enjoyed so much, as well as what was happening in my life at the time.

I can truly say that I miss the show, and I am thankful for The Dome, and all of the friends that made the show easy to listen to.

I’ve started listening to the most recent episodes, as well as some of the early ones. It’s refreshing to listen to such positive discussion on science fiction and fantasy without all the negativity that surrounds fandom today. Through this old podcast, I can be reminded that I can get excited about cool things, and express that excitement. I can also be reminded that…

“Shared pain is lessened, shared joy is increased. Thus do we all refute entropy.” -Spider Robinson

For fourteen strait days I’ve posted a blog. This is the largest streak I’ve ever been on. I’ve learned quite a few things since I started posting every day.

This commitment has been satisfying. It’s crazy to think that two weeks have passed since I started this. I didn’t think I’d keep up with it after one week. When I set out to do this, it was just a test to see how far I could take it. I’d feel bad about quitting, and then forgive myself. I am in new territory now.

It hasn’t been easy. There have been days that I didn’t feel like writing. There were several where I was way too tired to write and publish before the midnight deadline. I had to compromise, because I didn’t have the energy to bring anything remotely useful to the blog, but I also wanted to keep the deadline. I’ve also been able to write ‘decent’ blog posts in a short amount of time, which is crazy, because it usually takes a long time to produce a well-thoughtout post.

The desire to keep going is also unexpected. I have more to say, and I have the urge to sort through these thoughts. I thought by now I’d run out of topics to write about. Right now, I just want to throw everything at the wall and see what sticks.

I also have a desire to expand on what I’m learning both with writing, but also learn more about what the platform is capable of. I’ve gotten away from the back-end of things, mostly because of time, but now I’m curious about what I can do.

We have the tools to write authentic, though-provoking, meaningful work. There’s never been a better time in our history to write from our hearts and publish it for the world to read.

Even better: we have the option to keep and maintain these words without the need for social media. It takes some work, but help is available in multiple forms. We don’t have to be shackled by the censorship of TikTok or the thievery of Instagram. We don’t need to swim in the cesspool of Twitter (I refuse to call it “X”) to get our point across and to make meaningful connections.

The personal essay matters now more than ever because we are in competition with those other forms of media. Short form video may be convenient and digestible, but it’s also fleeting. TikTok has altered the way people talk, especially while live. Even though Meta/Instagram has rolled back on the using public IG accounts for generative AI, there’s no stopping them from moving forward with their plan in the future. All of these factors are limiting, and counter-productive.

The personal essay matters now more than ever because it takes time to write. It takes effort to sort your thoughts, type out the words on the page, and decide if you made your point. Most of all: it takes creativity.

The personal essay matters now more than ever because it is authentic. Your voice, your opinion, your true expression is what needs to be put into words, and it needs to be what people read.

The final output may be imperfect, messy and rough around the edges… but it will authentic. This is what generative AI cannot do.

All of your efforts will be worth it. Making something from nothing but your brain power, your fingertips and your effort to put it out in the world is a very satisfying feeling.

This is why the personal essay matters now more than ever.

Upon further reflection, I equate the skill of writing fiction to other creative careers. Going pro means they have made a commitment to create work that resonates on a professional level, because that is their job.

As a graphic designer, I went pro in the late 90s. I’ve put enormous amounts of pressure on myself to always do creative work that meets MY high standards. Granted, not every piece is going to be a homerun, and sometimes there are factors beyond my control that will affect the final file. Every graphic designer knows that annoyance. Despite all that… we FINISH THE JOB.

I think that’s part of why I find writing so difficult. Even though I’m slowly building a writing habit, I struggle a lot to put these blogs together. I struggle even harder with fiction writing. Then I don’t finish, because I have that option, and it’s consequence-free (except I lose out in the satisfaction of rising to a creative challenge, I lose out in learning from mistakes and creative growth.)

There’s also something to be said about giving in to the comfort of “research” and writing craft workshops, rather than actually writing. I’m very guilty of doing this. I mentioned this in my other blog post on writing. I feel this is not talked about enough, because I feel like workshops are a great thing, but if I’m not taking action and using what I learned… it’s ultimately a waste of time.

A professional writer may go through the same doubts, failures, and external factors like editors, producers and other stakeholders in the writing output. The difference is, the professional writer FINISHES THE JOB.

Outpost Parallax is a weekly Saturday night musing of all things science fiction.

Since I’ve been on a serious cyberpunk kick lately, I’ve decided to return to the world of Neo-Tokyo for the groundbreaking 1988 anime film, Akira.

It’s been far too long since I’ve watched Akira, and I think I’ve only seen it once as an adult.

I first encountered Akira in college in 1995, after seeing clips of it being shown at a local film festival. I couldn’t stop talking about how cool the clips were, and my roommate knew what movie it was from. We rented it that night, and I was just as blown away as I was watching Robot Carnival and Vampire Hunter D, which was part of the original Sci-Fi Channel’s “Adventures in Japanese Animation” which debuted in 1993.

Now I will watch it with a critical eye, and look past all the cool visuals, and really take in the structure and the true substance of the story.

In my head writing is easy… when I sit down to do it, it’s like mining for diamonds with a rubber mallet.

I’ve gone about this writing journey the wrong way, which is certainly on-brand for me. I’ve never done any creative pursuit in typical fashion. In 2009 I decided I wanted to be a writer, because I had aspirations of writing science fiction in hopes to one day be published, and have people read my stories. Again, this was in 2009.

Looking through my writing books, I’ve gathered quite the collection. I have classics like On Writing by Stephen King, Ray Bradbury’s writing book, Ursula Le Guin, Damon Knight, Ben Bova, and quite a few others. One of my favorites is Wonderbook by Jeff VanderMeer, and Damn Fine Story by Chuck Wendig. In fact, many of Wendig’s e-books on writing have all been sources of useful information.

Over the years I’ve turned to many of these books for guidance. In fact, I’ve turned to them so much so that I read and read, and then I end up not writing.

Allowing myself to NOT write because I’m too busy looking for information on how to write is also on-brand for me. I’m just now realizing this.

I’ve promised myself that I will NOT buy any more books on writing. As soon as I buy Isaac Asimov’s writing book, and Kate Wilhelm’s Clarion Writer’s Workshop book, and Robert Silverberg’s book, I’ll stop buying books on writing.

Oh, if Daniel Abraham and Ty Franck publish a book on writing, I’ll preorder it in .042 seconds.

A blog post that John Scalzi wrote a few years ago really stuck with me. It was about communicating on the Internet, and it made a lot of sense. One phrase really struck a chord: “The failure mode of clever is “asshole.” It suggests that if you’re reaching out to someone online for the first time, being polite instead of being clever is the better option. The intent to be clever could be misunderstood as something negative, even if the intent is positive.

I’m a shy person by nature. I’m working on NOT being shy, but that’s a discussion for another blog post. That shyness extends to the internet, which is why I’m blogging, and posting this nonsense on social media. Very rarely do I “engage”, which is part of the blogging ecosystem.

So, there’s my shyness, and the excellent Scalzi advice. I’ve wanted to reach out to several writers on Bluesky, but I’m hesitant to do so. Its easy for me to be polite, as I’m polite by nature. I also want to seem “interesting”, but I also don’t want to come off as clever, or worse… fail at being clever.

Until I work that out, I’ll hold off at reaching out to my favorite writers and artists.

For seven strait days I wrote a blog post every day. My goal is to write a blog post every day for the month of July. The plan is to keep a regular writing habit, and to build my writing muscle.

From these first seven days, reading back on my work, I have a lot of learning to do.

What I’ve learned from my first seven days is there are a lot of issues I need to work through if I’m ever going to be satisfied with my writing output. From pacing, coherent thought, and general interest, my effort is to work through all of that if I want to achieve a higher level of writing.

My job is to give you a reason to read my words, to take in the essays and make you think. These past seven blogs don’t do the trick, and that’s okay, because I don’t know what I’m doing, but that’s why I’m here… I’m here to work all of this out.

A comedian just doesn’t have a one-hour special globally televised. They spend at least a year working out the material in smaller venues.

In the past few months, I’ve been reading the essays of Harlan Ellison, Nnedi Okorafor, Spider Robinson, Ursula Le Guin, and David Sedaris. I know I shouldn’t expect to write on their level, because they are professional and have decades of experience writing fiction and nonfiction, but there is inspiration in their writing. I need to see into the matrix of their story construction, patterns, and different ways of seeing.

Then it hit me… it would be like expecting someone with NO experience to create high level graphic design. I can create that level of design work, because I’ve been doing it for close to 30 years.

So, it just takes time and practice. I’m satisfied that I did it seven days in a row. Onward to the next seven.

Sometime before 2020, I stopped watching movies with a critical eye. I no longer sought after the hidden art house gems, the cult classics or the films that my favorite writers and creators mention as influential.

My life has changed so much over the past few years that I’m not even able to sit for a few hours and watch a movie from start to finish. This is not a complaint. With my current set of life responsibilities, it’s just how my time is structured.

Recently I caught wind of the Criterion Collection 50% off sale at B&N. While working remotely at the B&N Cafe, I took a break and decided to look through their offerings.

I simply don’t have the bank account for the number of films I wanted to buy.

I don’t normally blind-purchase DVDs. If I’m committing money to the purchase of a movie, I will have seen it first. In this case, I was able to control myself, because you know… bank account. My curiosity was piqued, however.

So, that night I started a list.

There are so many movies I’ve missed over the last decade, and so many others that have flown under my radar that I feel like I’m starting from square one. I have so many interests and films that I want to see that it’s actually driving me crazy. My list has grown to over three-dozen titles… so far.

Since summertime is when I really ramp up the cyberpunk consumption, I’ve decided to prioritize the titles on my list that are cyberpunk, including any old anime. Titles include the black and white version of Johnny Mnemonic (1995), Tetso: The Iron Man (1989), and the anime classics Cyber City Oedo 808, Serial Experiments Lain (1998), and Akira (1988).

Not sure when I will be able to watch all of these, but I’ll have to find a way.

In 2276, America will be 500 years old.

Now that we’ve acknowledged the 250th milestone, I can’t help but think about what lies ahead. My scifi-geek brain is always thinking about the future, but I’m having a hard time picturing what America will be like 250 years from now.

First, I’m considering America’s role in the last 250 years of advances in technology, medicine, science, flight, space missions, communications, the internet all have shaped life as it is today. Socially, while it’s been a struggle, women have more rights, the fight for civil rights and worker’s rights continues. Advances in higher education, entertainment and the arts have also contributed to shaping America.

As of today, in the middle of 2026, we have a lot of problems in America. I won’t list them all, but will touch on the the previous paragraph, women may have more rights, but there’s a lot of work to be done. The same goes for civil rights, trans rights, immigration and the economy.

On the flip-side of that, people have found other ways to connect, play and live. We seem to find a way to make it work despite what is happening around us. We still manage to make blockbuster movies, sports teams still win championships, and we can still go to the moon and back.

So, how do we make another 250 years?

That’s a tough one to answer. I’m not a futurist. I tried not to look up what others may think, because I don’t want my current stream of thought to have any outside influence. While I’m relying on my own sense of history and awareness, the part of me that is a dreamer will also have a say.

I think we will still be a country in 250 years. As to what it will look like? My optimist brain first looks to the stars. I think we colonize the moon and Mars. If Mars is not feasible, we at least use all of the emerging technology to create ways for humans to live in space, and the moon on a more permanent basis.

Socially, I don’t have the mental capacity to determine what society will look like in 250 years without going into generalizations, because there is so much to unpack. My hope is that the quality of life will improve FOR EVERYONE. I know that’s just a dream. History is not on my side on this. Perhaps a new period of enlightenment will be ushered in, where we work towards common goals, while maintaining the principles of liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

I’m sure the reality of our future timeline is far from what I just stated, but if we could get at least part of the way there, this would have all been worth it. Even if we don’t go to Mars. If we could lead lives that fulfill our individual life goals, and pass that knowledge to future generations, then maybe America will still stand.

The Guild is one of my favorite shows. Not only was it an early pioneering YouTube series, it helped Felica Day, the creator and start, break out into other shows, movies and other ventures.

The series premiered in 2007, and I didn’t jump onboard until 2011, which was the show’s 4th season. I was hooked, and I couldn’t get enough of the show, the characters, and the concept. It was a show about gamers, made by gamers.

At the time, I was no longer playing video games. In fact, it had been almost 10 years since I had played any video games. I was over 30 years old, married and raising a daughter. My love for this show was part of the reason why I got back into video games.

I was also fascinated by the DIY aspect of the show, and the story of Felicia Day making the show. The creativity, courage and determination it took to make each season is very inspiring. The Guild holds a special place in my heart.

So, the news recently came out that there are plans for a Guild reunion movie! It’s currently on Kickstarter, so it’s early days. I certainly hope they get the chance to make this movie. I know they will pour their heart and soul into making this reunion something to treasure.

A local news poll showed that many in this area are not fans of fireworks. In Pennsylvania, consumer-grade fireworks are legal to purchase. Firework stores and popup stands sell fireworks year-round to those who want them. There are local and state laws regarding the use of fireworks.

My girlfriend and I discussed the poll regarding the fireworks, saying that she’s not a fan because amateur fireworks are so commonplace locally. Before the regulations changed, going to see a fireworks display happened once a year, and you went with your family. It was an event, and it was once and done. I agree that the sentiment is lost.

One of my fondest childhood memories was going to see the Fourth of July fireworks in Coronado Bay, California. It was 1987, and my family was living in Imperial Beach at the time, and while most of the memories are fuzzy, I remember the bay, the boulders along the shoreline, and the fireworks over the water. Looking back at those days, I know times like that were few and far between, so I am glad that memory sparked up.

I usually try very hard not to give up on a book or audiobook while its in-progress.

The ‘86 Fix by Keith Pearson just wasn’t strong enough to hold my interest. The book follows the protagonist: a middle-age man stuck in a bad marriage and a dead-end job, who wakes up in 1986 and so he can rewrite his life. The idea isn’t original, but I can always give that a pass if the story is good.

While I love time travel stories, this one dragged on for a very long time. I never got to the time travel. I understand building up the story so he could travel through time, but Person’s focus on how utterly awful the protagonist’s life was that it gets in the way of the story.

Deciding to give up on this audiobook was not easy. It’s unlikely I’ll finish ‘86 Fix, and that’s a shame because even though this story has time travel, this story also features another thing I love: the 1980s.

Star Fleet Academy’s cancellation has sent mixed ripples across the Star Trek fandom. I call it “fandom” and not “community” because it certainly hasn’t felt like a community in a long time. Unfortunately, the loudest “fans” in the room are actively spreading toxicity, and while I’ve never fed the trolls, it’s difficult to find level-headed Star Trek fans to have engaging conversations about the franchise.

The Trek trolls definitely have a stranglehold on the discourse on the state of the franchise. I firmly believe those at Paramount who are in charge of the franchise listened to the loud “fans” on this one.

Constructive criticism has gone completely out the window. Any YouTube dive into recent discussions on Star Trek will reveal the ugly side of the fandom. Countless videos bemoaning the franchise is pushing an agenda, or praising Star Fleet Academy’s cancellation. They use obvious AI or Photoshopped thumbnails that misrepresent the actors and draw viewers in with the most ridiculous video titles.

As a level-headed Star Trek fan, I think it’s time the franchise took a very long break. The original Star Trek series and it’s two follow-up shows The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine all were allegories of their times. I feel like that element is missing in the Star Trek produced today. If it is there, then either I missed it, or its in one of the series I stopped watching.

The 60th anniversary of Star Trek is a few months away. I think this is the perfect time to put the franchise in a long hiatus. I’m not going to muse on how to fix Star Trek since I’m not in show business. Media conglomerate Paramount/Skydance has stated that Star Trek is a “priority” but, I highly doubt that. A lot of time needs to go by before the reins are picked up again.

In the meantime, we still have the rest of Strange New Worlds, Star Fleet Academy season 2, and sixty years of Star Trek shows and films that we can fall back on for comfort, inspiration or entertainment.

There’s also the massive library of official novels and comics that expand on the lives of each crew, written by well-established and capable writers. Audiobook lovers are in for a treat as some stories are read by Star Trek alum. Not every comic or novel is a winner, but then again, neither was every episode of your favorite series.

Fan fiction is also a treasure trove of Star Trek content. While some of the writing may not be top quality, and some stories might go completely off the rails, it’s necessary to give it some grace. There are countless fan fiction stories online as well as in podcast form. The common element being a love for Star Trek. Some well-established writers developed their skills by writing fan fiction, so you never know: the work of fan fiction you read today could be someone’s stepping stone to professional publication.

It feels like it was Christmas and New Year’s Day not too long ago, but it’s July 1. The world is spinning very fast, and sometimes I feel like it’s all whizzing past me.

While I’m happy to be working, and doing what I love, I’m finding it difficult to maintain a regular writing habit. I’ve had a lot of false starts, and while I have good intentions, I have nonexistent output. In any case, I’m always absorbing fiction or some form of non-fiction.

In fiction, I’ve been neck deep in the back catalog of Star Wars Legends, but I’m taking a break to dive into more cyberpunk. While Neuromancer remains my favorite cyberpunk book, I’m looking to start Snow Crash (for the 14th time) as well as a few classics, and hopefully a few of the newer cyberpunk releases that I have on my TBR.

In nonfiction, I’ve gone back and forth between the essays of Harlan Ellison, and the history of Puerto Rico.

I’m listening to Ellison for inspiration on expression, opinion and I find his take on life in the 70s and 80s interesting. I’m especially interested in his observations on life in the 80s, since that was my childhood.

The interest in the history of Puerto Rico has been an emotional roller coaster. As much as I love history, I never looked up my own culture’s history, and I’m ashamed that I never did so. A lot of what I learned put a lot of things about the island into perspective. I still don’t have enough to INFORM my own opinion yet, but I’m continuing to absorb all of this data.

My roster of friends has dwindled. That’s on me.

Being nostalgic for the past has stunted my ability to think forward.

The craziness of the past two months has finally died down a little. It’s at least died down enough that I can start writing again.

When I don’t write for a long time, it starts to fester in my brain like a ping-pong ball. I have ideas, opinions, things I want to document, and I get so busy that the habit falls from my routine. Then I remember: that’s why I set up the mini-blog! My homegrown answer to losing the beauty that was old school Twitter. Then the guilt sets in about not writing.

So, here I am, back at it.

The last two months have been a Tasmanian devil-style whirlwind of work on several large design projects, new baby duties, tasks involved in my promotion, managing my relationship with my girlfriend, and being a dad to a sixteen year old. I haven’t had time to write, or steal a little time for video games, or communicate with friends.

The friend situation will be addressed in a later post because I have other thoughts that need to be fleshed out.

Watching my new son discover that he has hands, legs, and most prominently, vocal cords has been fun. I use the word “fun” in its purest form. He has a lot to say, and I get a major kick when he expresses it in his own baby-language.

Some consistencies I’ve been able to keep on track are the news and audiobooks. Even though I’ve been busy, I tried my best to be informed. I don’t often make public comments about politics, world events or national headlines, but sometimes I take a step back and think to myself that we’re deep inside what Robert A. Heinlien referred to in his future timeline as “The Crazy Years.”

As of this writing, the Middle East is sinking further into war. Hurricane Helene has devastated the southern states as the death toll continues to rise. The historic presidential race is gearing up for the final stretch. There’s also the rise of artificial intelligence, space tourism and the cyberpunk-style sneak-attacks that left dozens of people wounded or dead in both the Lebanese and Ukraine conflicts.

On the science fiction front, I paused Red Rising to start listening to Livesuit, James S.A. Corey’s latest novella that just released today. It’s the next installment of their Captive’s War series. I enjoyed the first novel of the series way more than I was expecting. It also reassures me that the writing team of James S.A. Corey are certainly amongst my favorite writers. Drawing inspiration from them is so easy that if I find time, I may just do a deep dive online to find any and all craft of writing tidbits from them.

October is my favorite month, and I know it’s cliche but I also love autumn. The fall is my favorite time of the year, and Pennsylvania is especially beautiful. Overcast skies, colorful leaves and everything pumpkin spice!

Here’s the kicker: I got so used to the hot weather this summer. Long stretches of high temperatures, bright sun, no rain. I just don’t feel like I’m in an autumn mood yet, despite all the pumpkin spice.

It’s only October 1st. I’ll have my autumn mojo soon.

It’s been a couple of years since I took the leap and decided to control my online content, and to separate from the big social media companies. I did this for several reasons: keeping up with my mental health, ownership of my content, and curating my own online experiences.

My research led me to the Indieweb and Micro.Blog.

I’m documenting this in the hopes that it will be useful to someone interested in Micro.Blog, especially if they want to cross-post to other sites like Mastodon and Bluesky.

The principles of the Indieweb really spoke to me, and since I had an interest in relearning basic web development, it was the perfect time to adopt some of these principles. I’m far from being an expert in how the plumbing works, and I couldn’t carry a conversation about things like JSON, ActivityPub, etc. I know it’s important and I’m satisfied with the level of knowledge of how it all works.

I’d always liked the idea of microblogging, and while Twitter scratched that itch, it was never fully satisfying. I never warmed up to it, and I was a user early enough to see what Twitter became over the years. Every now and then I check in on the Birdsite, and I’m so glad that I moved on.

After looking into sites like Ghost and Substack, Micro.Blog ultimately won me over. With Micro.Blog’s help, I was able to create my own blog, host it through Micro.Blog, integrate my own domain name, and create my own content. I wanted the option to post both short and long form blog posts and that’s exactly what I set up.

I’ve always been shy, and even though I found it easier to engage with people online when the internet was young, with the rise of social media, I got more reclusive. I felt pressure to respond to posts that mentioned me, as well as in a timely fashion. I’ve always had a busy life, and I always felt guilty (or shy) about responding late, or not responding at all.

There was also something so unattractive about how social media changed the overall online experience, but I couldn’t pull myself away. Things had changed from the days of Geocities and the message board and chat rooms of the 90s, but I didn’t want to miss out. I felt obligated to keep up to date with social media, even though I got no satisfaction out of it.

Finding Micro.Blog and Mastodon changed that perspective for me.

In Micro.Blog I discovered people of different talents posting their slices of life from their corners of the world. If there’s conversation to be had, it is civil, even when there’s a disagreement.

Mastodon is perfect for my obsessive scifi fandoms, and there’s a great writing community. The politics is kept to a minimum and I see all of the geeky content that I’d prefer to see.

I let time pass to allow Bluesky to be more developed, and I discovered that many of my favorite scifi authors and preferred people from Twitter have taken to Bluesky.

The thought of posting to three separate platforms was daunting. Recently I enabled Micro.Blog cross-posting to Mastodon and Bluesky, and its made a world of difference. I can post to Micro.Blog, thus contributing to my overall blogging timeline, while at the same time posting to Mastodon and Bluesky. The best part: I can post and reply separately to either platform.

Also, I don’t feel the same pressures using these platforms as I did with Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. I can read and reply on my own time without stress.

Overall, I’m glad that I found Micro.Blog, and I’m glad for the work involved in building the site for people to write blogs of varying length, as well as engage in a like-minded community. I’m also thankful for the groundwork of the Indieweb community.

My slice of the internet is small, but at least it’s mine.

Her heart stopped beating, and I was frozen at my spot next to her hospital bed. I wasn’t very close to her, even though I spent the last year getting to know her and her life partner. My girlfriend’s elderly aunt was not a shy woman. She was tough as nails, and she was a woman who’s approval was very important to me. It was a strange honor to be present in her final moments.

Earlier in the evening, I was keeping her partner company at their home while her family was at the hospital. These women spent decades together, and exemplified the notion of the old married couple. Their home was well lived-in, and I’d done several handy-man type of tasks around their old house over the past year. Her partner would pass in their home a few weeks later.

Today is June 1st… the first six months of 2024 have been a trip. I can contrast the previous two paragraphs with the following: my girlfriend’s physically challenging pregnancy followed by a difficult labor and delivery. My son was born almost three weeks ago.

That’s also the last time I slept for more than a couple of hours.

Life has been crazy this year. Even though I felt like I was prepared, each twist and turn hit me. From house preparations (including a bathroom renovation), to helping my 16 year old also deal with these changes, to career challenges, and everything in between, I feel surprisingly fine. This could be the lack of sleep talking.

This brings me to blogging and writing. I chose not to share every single detail of the past six months. I felt like some things need to be kept offline. Plus, social media sharing has never been a priority. At the same time, the craziness has not yielded a lot of time for writing. All of my creative energy has been allocated to my day job.

While I’m ashamed to say that fiction writing has taken a bit of a back seat for now, it’s on my mind every day. One of the reasons this blog exists is to keep me accountable, and to share this experience. While this has also fallen by the wayside, I have not given up on writing, and my dream of writing science fiction and sharing it is as strong as the day I decided this was a life goal.

I don’t know what the next six months looks like, but I look forward to them: summer, autumn (finally!) and Christmas. I’ll get back on track with writing while living my life. I’ll work on my relationship while we raise our son, and I’ll help my daughter with the next phase in her life.

Here’s to the next six months.

Today I turned 46. I haven’t blogged since May, which is par for the course, whenever I start a blog. That is not to say that I don’t finish what I start. My full-time job runs on meeting deadlines. When it comes to self-imposed deadlines, I can certainly make improvements.

However, my excuses are legitimate. Life got so busy that I fell out of habit with micro.blog and Mastodon. That is not to say that I haven’t been producing creative work. I’ve produced a lot over the past five months. I just haven’t been sharing my experiences, which I regret, now that I think about it.

My life has changed so much since May. I am not going to share every detail right now (which is counter-intuitive to why this blog exists) but, I can share a few things. Since no one reads this but me, I’m comfortable with sprinkling these details in the coming days and weeks, as I try my hardest to get back into a regular writing habit.

In the creative work area: over the summer I made a conscious decision to focus on graphic design, as several major projects for work required a lot more creative energy. That decision extended to blogging… a decision I now regret. In any case, I focused on what I can do to elevate the level of design that I can produce. I took deep dives into design history. I dissected and studied the work of my favorite designers and researched decision making, especially in layout design and creative theory. Putting those things into practice was tough, but I pushed myself. My hardest critic (me) was not fully satisfied, but this endeavor is still a work in progress.

While my fiction writing aspirations took a break, they never fully left my mind. I occasionally write down story ideas and have been saving them. This is a habit that has never been broken. I’m still taking in a healthy dose of science fiction as I move forward. Science fiction writing is my dream, and it’s something that will never waver, no matter what is going on in my life. Starting is the hardest part, though.

Emotional work: I don’t feel comfortable sharing many details about this, but I can say that I’ve made some progress. I’m still learning, and still trying to understand how to navigate emotions, expression and relationships (both personal and professional.) Sometimes I feel like I’ve made no progress at all. The ebb and flow of emotional management is sometimes very tricky.

Today I turned 46 years old. My life has changed significantly over the past few months, and it’s only going to continue in that direction. The point I have yet to make is that this is a GOOD direction. I’m happy, and I wouldn’t change any of it. I have more musings on turning 46, but I will save that for another post. I have people who love me, and I have things to do.

It’s good to be back!

Discussing politics or current issues online is not my style. I wrote this post last week in the midst of the shooting in Allen, Texas.

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Yesterday I came across an opinion piece about mass shootings published in an arts/music magazine based in northern California. In a nutshell, the article was suggesting that maybe it’s time to get unhinged about gun violence. It struck a nerve with me because of its abrasive tone and unique message. The writer of the article was clearly upset, and it showed.

I stumbled upon the comments section, and spotted one that I found so appalling I reread it several times to make sure I understood what the commentator was saying. Reading opposing viewpoints is one thing, but the more I read it, the more it ticked me off.

I was so upset that I made an account so I can respond to the comment.

I usually don’t post emotionally driven, knee-jerk reactions online. It went against my instinct, but I couldn’t help myself. I went after the commenter and let loose.

Afterwards, I started to feel guilty. I had broken a key online rule I follow to the letter, which is Wheaton’s Law that states “Don’t be a dick.” I’m always considerate of my online behavior. I make sure I check myself before writing an email, tweet or any comment. I had lost my cool on a small, local area arts magazine, and it didn’t sit well with me.

Deciding to write a follow-up comment after eight hours had passed, I went back to the article to write another comment. For some reason, I can’t seem to post another comment. There’s no indication that I’ve been banned or blocked. My comment is still visible. There were several other “unhinged” comments that seem more abrasive than mine, but it looks like I won’t get the chance to post my follow-up.

The follow-up was more of an apology, as I felt that while the spirit of the article suggested that it may be time to be ‘unhinged’ about gun violence, unleashing my unchecked agression on another reader, and exposing such content to other readers was not cool.

It turns out, the article was written and published in June of 2022.

The article was so evergreen that I thought it had just been written, even though it didn’t mention any mass shootings in particular. The author simply reposted the link on their social media amid Saturday’s mass shooting. So, it’s quite possible that no one aside from the magazine staffer who monitors online comments was the only one who saw my unhinged comment.

My take-away from this experience is that I felt guilty putting a piece of content in place I normally skip over. On social media, you can avoid most knee-jerk reactions. My comment wasn’t as bad as others I’ve stumbled upon, but I felt guilty for losing my cool in a small online environment where my comment would easily be seen.

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Closing thoughts: I felt like documenting this because we all make mistakes. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to even put this post in the world, but I’ve had time to think about it, and I feel that it points to a real and persisting problem online. We may have the power to turn it off, but this problem isn’t new, and it’s become accepted. I left Twitter mostly for this reason. I’m not proud of my outburst. I tried fixing it, but I wasn’t able to. Maybe this is the next best thing.

Imagine you are stuck behind a very tall wall on three sides. You don’t have the option of going left or right to go around the wall. You can stay behind the wall, or move backwards.

The x-factor is you have a third option: you have the ability to jump over the wall. It’s an ability you were born with. No running start needed. Just crouch down, launch your body upward and clear the wall.

But, you can’t. Something is holding you back. It’s not a villain, or a physical restraint, or even gravity. You just can’t do it.

This is how I feel every day when it comes to self-expression, and to be bold and have no filter. I’ve struggled with it for as long as I can remember. So, naturally I decided to become an artist, graphic designer, and a science fiction writer.

I’ve read a lot of books on creativity and spent years looking for the answer to my problem. The most common things I found were as follows: fear, lack of confidence, overthinking. There’s more, but I think those three pertain to me the most.

I think fear is the most troublesome for me. I’m afraid to express myself and be authentic because I struggle with being vulnerable, and I fear being judged. I worry about what others would think and say. I shouldn’t, but I do. These thoughts paralyze me and halt my progress.

If the goal is to be authentic, then maybe I’ll take a small leap and share something I don’t talk a lot about: I was beaten as a child. When I was hit, I was not allowed to cry. I’ve told this to several therapists over the years, and they’ve never jumped on it. I never understood why. I’m not even an armchair psychologist, but I’m convinced there’s a link between those childhood experiences and my trouble to express myself.

This leads to lack of confidence, and I’ll lump in self-esteem into the mix. For me, confidence is like a giant ocean with waves that go high in the air. Some days its high, some days its low. I’ve read that childhood trauma can cause self-esteem issues. I feel like this is always going to be an issue. Also in my experience, I think “taking action” is the counter-move to self-esteem & confidence issues. Constant momentum in proving to yourself that you can make art, write and be creative feels like it’s the key.

Overthinking: all I can say is that my brain can run with racing thoughts at warp speed. I haven’t done any research into this, but I feel like this is related to fear. When my anxiety kicks in, it’s racing thoughts that also pile on as though I’m on the receiving end of a negative thought assembly line.

Having just typed out all of this, I realize that I’ve held the same job as a graphic designer and creative director for over twenty years. I’ve struggled a lot with these issues during my career and somehow I’m still here. My dayjob isn’t easy, but I find ways to make it work.

I’ve dealt with these struggles since before college. I’m 45 years old now, and there’s no magic formula that I’ve been able to find that will help me get over this. I have a lot to say. I have opinions. I have truths to express. Sharing the bit about my childhood was a struggle in of itself. Maybe that’s progress.

So, here I am, at the wall on three sides, and I can’t go around. I can stay (bad idea.) I can go backward (worst idea.) Or, I can use my natural-born ability to leap over it. If I can harness the power (of confidence) there’s a forth option: reach back with a fist break through the wall.

After my most recent blog post, where I had the momentum to write a blog post semi-daily, a few things happened all at once: my day job exploded with deadlines, my home life got increasingly busy, and then I got sick. To put it more poetically, I fell ill. When I started this blog back up, I vowed to continue writing, and that did not happen.

I don’t normally discuss health issues, and I won’t get into details here. All I’ll say is that I never felt so bad that it put me out of commission. I’ve always been able to power through any sort of ailment. To be honest, I don’t normally get ailments anyway, so “staying in bed” was a new thing for me. I was offline, and didn’t have the energy to write.

The past couple of weeks was something of a test, and I feel I didn’t do well. I should have written, even if I didn’t feel like I had the time. Writers find a way to write, no matter what. I know I should give myself a break, but I feel like this is a repeating pattern going back the past couple of decades.

Now that I’ve acknowledged the fact that I haven’t written anything significant, I’ll be going back to the drawing board… or keyboard.

One of my favorite writers, Harlan Ellison, rejected the term “sci-fi” because in his experience it was a restrictive term. It was a term used to describe pulpy, one-sided hero vs alien stories with no substance or creativity. Ellison had a hand in turning “sci’fi” into what science fiction is today, and I’m fully acknowledging this accomplishment.

That was Mr. Ellison’s experience. It’s not mine.

Some of my first memories were going to the theater in 1983 to see Return of the Jedi. As an 80s child, I was exposed to so many space-faring books, TV shows, cartoons, movies, toys and video games. I was an only child, and I had a lot of friends who were into these same things. When I was by myself, if I felt troubled, sad, or happy, I could always get lost in whatever world I felt like wandering in.

My father passed away in 1989. For some reason, I was drawn to Star Trek: The Next Generation. I had already been watching it, but the show offered an escape from the sadness of that tragedy. It was comforting, and it helped me deal with the loss.

Throughout the 90s, as I was growing up, traveling, meeting people, having fun, working, going through heartache or depression, graduating high school and moving away from home for college, science fiction was still a part of my life.

In good times, I played video games with friends, and spent time with online friends arguing about Star Wars and Star Trek. In not-so-good times, I shut the world away and lost myself in the TV and movies of the time. I had tons of 6-hour VHS recordings of Star Trek and Mystery Science Theater that I could put in the VCR and let the world wash away.

There are key moments in my life where I can pinpoint which science fiction I was consuming at the time.

When my daughter was born in 2008, I was obsessed with Firefly, Star Trek: Enterprise, Doctor Who, and couldn’t help but daydream about optimistic futures.

I was heavily into The Expanse books and TV show when I was promoted to creative director in 2017. It was a time in which the influence of science fiction and design creativity was in overdrive.

The Wayfarer series of optimistic space novels got me through my divorce in 2019. I don’t know why I picked up those books back then. Just like in 1989, I was drawn to them, and it was the perfect fit of stories for that time in my life.

When I met my girlfriend in late 2021, the world was weird. I was all about the new Dune movie, experiencing Battlestar Galactica for the first time, and The Expanse novel series, which is a major influence on my writing, was coming to an end.

The takeaway of the final Expanse book was about humanity moving forward and making new connections while rediscovering itself, which was polarizing because my life was also moving forward, and I was rediscovering myself. Its an amazing personal parallel as I was falling in love with a woman who was helping me move forward. I’ll always associate one of my favorite books with the woman I love.

Some form of science fiction has always been a part of my life. Even in times when I was distracted or too busy to pay attention, it was always there when I returned. I can always count on science fiction to cheer me up, make me ponder our place in the universe, or escape to adventures in the stars.

A long time ago I decided I wanted to write science fiction and hopefully be published. My goal is to create stories that will also help someone through their troubles or be part of a person’s joy when they relax and want to be entertained. It will be my way of paying it forward.

My first month on Micro.blog was amazing. I found that it was a community full of people who seemed calm and in control. Any hot takes were constructive, and conversation was civil. It wasn’t noisy and I could walk away for a few days and not feel like I missed something.

I like the “micro” aspect of Micro.blog, but I also like the fact that if a longer blog post is necessary, there’s an option to create it. That long post is also hosted on the user’s blog.

Micro.blog gives me what I’ve been wanting: a small blog that is easy to update, simple to manage, and the best part of all, what I post is my own. There are no corporations, no algorithms, no contending with curated content. It’s a small corner of the internet that I can call my own.

Building my blog was a challenge, as it jumpstarted my journey into relearning web development. Some things certainly have changed in the 10+ years that I’ve been away from it. I still have a lot to learn, but it was a good jumpstart. Building the blog helped me feel accomplished.

Micro.blog also helped me understand that there is a better way to engage in the social aspect of the internet, without the ugliness that is automatically accepted on places like Twitter.

My migration from Twitter to Micro.blog (and Mastodon) was in response to the downward spiral that Twitter has become. A lot of people are happy with watching Twitter die. I’m sad for its demise. I refuse to use the Twitter app because it was always unusable. I used a third party app, but now that they’ve restricted the use of third party apps, I can no longer use Twitter in the customized way that I prefer.

I’ll miss the shared experiences and real-time reactions to national and world events that came with using Twitter. I’ll also miss being one-step away from my favorite writers, artists and other interesting people. I’ll miss using Twitter to learn from writers who dispensed wisdom on craft and creativity. Over the years I’ve amassed a large collection of micro-lessons on writing and design.

Even though I’m introverted and I didn’t engage much, Twitter helped me feel connected. One aspect of the internet that I’ve loved since the early 90s was the fact that I could connect with people half a world away. Twitter elevated that curiosity.

The purpose of going off the rails for the last three paragraphs was to remind myself of a very important lesson: systems like Twitter can always be taken away. Leaving such a collective was difficult, but I feel better for it.

Micro.blog helped me remember there are better ways to have an online presence and not put my eggs in one basket. I move onward with cautious optimism.

Some of my favorite writers include Chuck Wendig, John Scalzi, Catherynne Valenti, Delilah S. Dawson and Wil Wheaton. What they all have in common is they also write great essays, blogs and tweets that people respond to. They are able to express thoughts and emotions with so much potent energy that it’s impossible to NOT read, because they also keep it interesting.

In Chuck Wendig’s blog Terrible Minds, he defines voice as follows: “The writer’s voice is the thing that marks the work as a creation of that writer and that writer ONLY. You read a thing and you say, “This could not have been written by anybody else.” THAT is voice.

He further states “It’s also a component of practice and maturity.”

That’s the part that hurt the most to read. I already knew this. In fact, I’ve experienced that in my creative life.

I’ve been a graphic designer for over twenty years. I know about artistic voice. I understand that these things take time and effort. In my case, it takes constant time and effort. To get to where I am today, I’ve had to grind for a long time. In fact, sometimes I still feel like I’m grinding. For me, graphic design is a constant creative struggle, but I’ve found ways to punch through and persevere, with (mostly) positive results.

So, why do I feel like finding my writing voice so difficult?

My fiction, my prose, my blogs… there’s a lack of substance, emotion, punch, zeal, authenticity, anything to make it interesting. Even in the handful of articles that have been published, I feel like I could have done a better job of making it more interesting. Granted, in those cases, my editors were a big help.

Mr. Wendig also states that we mimic our writer influences, because we write like those writers we most frequently read. Eventually we stop doing that, but their influence can still exist in our writing, and that’s okay. I know that I don’t write like Chuck, or Mr. Scalzi, or Ms. Valenti, but they have certainly been influential.

So, this is why I’m here: to sharpen my writing teeth (is that a thing?) To spurt out this boring garbage in the hopes that someday when I write, my true self will emerge, and I won’t have these thoughts of “how does Scalzi do it!?” …and just let my voice flow on the page.

Time, effort, and confidence. We’ll get there. Hopefully.

Winter is not my favorite season. Living in eastern Pennsylvania, late March and April feels like a dead zone of seasonal change. Most plants and trees are bare or dead, and the sky is always gray. There is a beauty to it that I love, though I feel I’m in the minority with that opinion.

This was not a typical winter and I feel compelled to document it.

My life has changed significantly over the past few years, from going through a long marriage, separation and divorce, to being single, to meeting a woman who is fully supportive of my goals. I’m still not used to the feeling of having someone on my side, in my corner cheering me on.

Professionally, I continue to tackle new challenges in graphic design. I’ve been able to learn new formats and make them work to my advantage, while continuing to deliver a level of work that I can say that I’m proud of. It’s always hard work to keep deadlines, and adjust to the fast-pace of the office. Sometimes I forget about my atypical career path. There was a time where I questioned if I was ever going to be a “real graphic designer.” It’s been two decades. It’s safe to say that I am, and that I always have been since day one.

This winter saw the rekindling of my interest in writing. Before December, even my interest in science fiction writing had waned. I’ve gone through this ebb and flow of writing interest before, but this is the first time in a long time that I’ve taken action to foster it. I’m excited to see what I will produce and how far I can take things with this blog. I haven’t had a corner of the internet in a long time.

Taking further action in relearning web development and being inspired by the indiweb, I felt inspired to put these skills to use as I learn them. Starting this blog is a source for creating a writing habit and creating accountability. It will serve as a timeline of improvements and changes.

My takeaway from this past winter is a lesson that I’ve learned over and over. Taking action and being consistent is key to building the artistic and productive life you want. It’s not enough to want it. You have to take the necessary steps to make them happen, no matter what.

Special sidenote: If there’s anyone in your life who doubts you, doesn’t support you, or thinks any of your aspirations are something to make fun of… eject them from your life. Plain and simple. You don’t need them. It’s hard enough to live and work with someone who does not support you. Trust me.

It’s been a wild winter, with no signs of slowing down.

There’s something about getting a new computer or device with a clean HD that feels so satisfying. I never import items from previous devices. It may seem counterproductive, but I love a clean slate.

Same goes with platforms. I’m starting over in my writing journey on a new platform, and I’m excited. Starting this blog in Micro.blog has helped me rediscover web development. I’ve also learned about the IndieWeb and have become more invested in the Fediverse.

My blogging journey began in the days before it was referred to as “blogging”. In the late 90s, I had writings and “news” I’d share on websites like Geocities and Tripod. In the early 2000s, I moved to OpenDiary and LiveJournal. In the mid 2000s, I had my very own dotcom for my design portfolio, as well as a section for blogging. I fell out of the blogging habit after a few years, and picked it up again with Tumblr in the early 2010s, in part to support my new-found interest in science fiction writing.

The Tumblr blog is a spotty personal history archive, and not at all ideal for my writing goals moving forward.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Twitter. What attracted me to Twitter in 2008 was the whole “microblog” concept. I understand the nature of social media evolving, especially Twitter, but I was never on-board with what Twitter became, and my use diminished over the last five years. Elon Musk’s involvement cemented my decision to stop using Twitter as my self-expression outlet.

Through the first days of the Elon Twitter takeover, I kept stumbling on posts about starting a blog and owning your own content. Most writers have their own website and blog anyway, so I started looking into starting my own.

Finding the writing community (as well as the Scifi fandom community) on Mastodon was a wake-up call that Twitter, Instagram and Facebook were not the only robust social networks out there. The concept of the Fediverse attracted me to Mastodon even more. I could own my own content, and not rely on the big social network’s ridiculous set of rules, algorithms and subscription models. Mastodon feels like a good way forward, but it wasn’t helping me with blogging.

Then I discovered Micro.blog.

While I’m still trying to figure things out, Micro.blog has ignited a spark in blogging. I had already decided to return to blogging after I left Twitter, but I felt like Tumblr wasn’t cutting it. So far, Micro.blog has what I’ve been looking for. I’m not sure if I’ll continue to use it as I explore other blogging options, but I’m glad I found it. Micro.blog has helped rekindle my interest in web development as well.

In the spirit of not putting all of my eggs in one basket, and owning the content I create, I’m excited about the future of blogging, writing and I can’t wait to see where this all goes.

There’s a big difference between critique, criticism and judgement.

These three barriers have always played a factor in my continuing struggle to express myself, or even share my art, writing and design. In art school, I was taught that critiquing was a part of the process. Over twenty years in the graphic design industry has helped build a thick skin, but thickness can only run so deep. A thick skin has helped in dealing with criticism and judgement, but again, it still plays a factor in my ability to express and share.

Critique in the creative field is useful information. While I can’t help but take some of it seriously, I understand that in most cases, its not personal. I learned early in college that critiquing is meant to make the project better. I’ve learned to accept critiquing as part of the process, and in most cases I seek it out in many stages of a project. I feel that type of feedback contributes to a better creative outcome.

There is such a thing as ‘useless critiquing’ which I’ve also learned to detect over the years. This is something that just comes with experience. At the same time, I’ve learned to critique other’s work. I do my best to give useful information that will help the artist. It’s never about the person.

Criticism is where we get into dicey territory. The difference between useful critique and criticism can sometimes be blurry. Here is where it starts to get personal, because criticism usually has a negative tone. Most people who dish out criticism are not trained artists. That’s not to say that a trained artist can’t criticize. This is where I feel the line is blurry. I’ve dealt with criticism as a designer as well, and I’ve learned to detect the difference between the two. That doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

Criticism by others has hindered a lot of my personal creative output. I feel like criticism is the unfiltered version of critique, because a lot of initial emotions are expressed when someone is critical of a piece of art. They make that opinion known. Part of my personal barrier in this instance is my own brain telling me that someone will not like this piece of art, design or writing. While I feel like this is different from the stabbing knife of the self-critic, I feel they work together to stab at my love and enthusiasm of the piece of creative output I’m trying to share.

Judgement is criticism’s partner in crime. I understand the dictionary definition of judgment does not cover this. I’ve been in many situations where I’ve seen people judge others for their creative output. This is the worst type of criticism because it’s often harsh and useless. They make fun of the artist or person who dared to share a piece of art, writing, a song, a baked good, or anything that was made by hand, with love and curiosity. There is a special type of sadness involved in this, because often the people who put these judgements into the world are people who don’t make anything. They will never pick up a brush or an instrument. They don’t know how to appreciate anything. All they know how to do is point, laugh, and try to take the artist down.

I’ve personally experienced this many times in my life. I feel like I’ve heard it enough that it seeps into the part of my brain that helps build that barrier. It’s an emotional pain that lingers and doesn’t let go. It helps the inner-critic stab at the meat of my enthusiasm and love of art and writing. Judgement offers a chance to easily let go my desire to express. It takes over and hinders my ability to create. It cascades into a type of shame that being vulnerable is a sin.

Vulnerability takes courage. What I often forget is that I can’t control what others will say. There will always be people who will criticize and judge my creative output. They will say what they feel, whether its good or bad. If it’s good, it will serve to help me connect and create more. If it’s bad, I have to make sure that what is being said is useful critique. If it’s criticism and judgement, then I have to learn to create a new barrier; where I let their negativity wash through me (much like fear) because at the end of the day, I made something and they did not.